Just Jamming or Feeding the Beast? Music Through the Lens of a Christian

Music... an escape, an art, a way to express emotions, feel emotions, connect with others, a way to experience a sense of gratification that others may understand you, but also a way to feed the beast of emotions. I LOVE music y'all. I feel that emotions pierce my very soul. I feel so understood by music. This probably partly stems from the fact that I play the drums, so OF COURSE I appreciate music. I appreciate the musicality, the lyrics, and the technicality of the drums. A lot of people connect with music and find it to be an escape from reality. Others, may not love music but can still appreciate a good song. I must say, my love for different genres of music varies GREATLY! You might think I am a little crazy because of my music, but I want to show and talk with you all about how music defines us. You can even see in my different musical eras how my life was going. My deep struggles, pains, and joys can easily be seen in my choices of music throughout the years, so.... let's begin. I will be going through my Spotify playlists over the years, and I am going to warn you that there may be some weird or dark music that you may not expect from me. I want to be 100% transparent with my music because we have a lot to unpack about the impact music has on our everyday lives. This might be a touchy topic for some Christians, and even if you do not agree with me, I would encourage you to just finish reading! And if you still don't agree with me, that is totally fine, but you were able to gain perspective over this topic!

I have two Spotify accounts (one of which I have access to and one I do not have access to anymore). My first playlist was created in 2015 when I was 13 years old, and it is called "BB" for Breaking Benjamin. I had recently discovered my love for Breaking Benjamin and added my favorite songs. To this day, I love some Breaking Benjamin. I do not listen to them often, but I still know all the lyrics to many songs:) Some of the song titles for these songs were "Medicate", "Dear Agony", and "Into the Nothing". And these songs pretty much defined me. I knew God but did not have a relationship with Him in 2015. I was easily influenced by my natural state of depression at the time, and Breaking Benjamin made me feel seen when I heard the amazing drums and harsh lyrics. Also in 2015, I created a playlist with some more metal music. My other playlist consisted of Sleeping with Sirens and Suicide Silence (interesting right???). You would not really expect me to be listening to this punk rock and somewhat screamo music. Here are some of the song titles in this playlist "Better Off Dead", "Kick Me", "You Only Live Once", and "Left Alone". I'm sure you see a pattern here... I was so alone, and trying to stay alive, yet I was filling my head with songs like "Better Off Dead". This music fueled my self-hatred, and honestly, it felt good to fuel the fire because it made me feel seen and heard. No one understood me, but this music did. Well, life started to sort of change when I went to church camp the Summer of 2015. I felt overwhelmed by the Spirit and desired to feel joy again. I made LOTS of Christian playlists hoping to fill myself with good things. I made playlists entitled "Uplifting", "Priceless", "Christ in Me", "Post Camp", and "Lit Jesus Jam" (lol). You can ALSO see here JUST by the playlist names that I was searching for someone to love me, to see worth, and to bring joy. I was searching for something better than what I had.

My Playlist Evolution

2016 comes, and take a guess at what happened???? My music changed AGAIN. My music started to consist of Patsy Cline, Billy Joel, and Franki Valli. I still love these oldies! These songs were mostly about love, and I had my first huge crush on a boy named Tres (Charles) Evans. Yes, that's right, my current husband! My husband and I oftentimes laugh about the fact that we "talked" and had this huge crush on each other in 2016. He is the one who inspired my love of Patsy Cline and Billy Joel. I am confident that the Lord was protecting me throughout each musical period in my life. The Lord felt my deep hurt and longing for love, and He gave me a glimpse of my future husband at the age of 13 (insane!). Well.... this fun "lovey" music lasted about three months before this boy broke my heart and stopped talking to me (and praise God for that because my worth would have been attached to Charles if it weren't for that separation!). Anyone wanna guess my new music after this??? That's right... back to angry Christa! I suffered from insomnia, depression, anger, worth, and bitterness. My new playlists consisted of some hardcore rap from different influences in my life. I created playlists to help me fall asleep because I was so afraid of being alone at night.

I had to put these up here haha! 2015 Charles and Christa on the left and 2016 on the right. Literally the only pictures from when we knew each other back then.

2017 rolls around and I am all about the pop music and the "new" stuff. I wanted to fit in because maybe that would make me feel better? Maybe that would make a boy finally like me? If I could just pretend to be like everyone else then I could have the happiness and fun they all had, right??? Boy, was I wrong. I say that this was my era of basic white girl in 2017.... you all know this, the leggings, oversized t-shirts, bean boots, and converse. I created some more Christian playlists with church camp songs. This was also when I discovered a love for Skillet, finally a Christian rock band!! I LOVED that the drummer was female, and loved the lyrics to their music. LOTS of stuff happened in 2017 that created a spiral. I felt that I had lost one of my best friends because they started dating someone, I was talking to guys that were not healthy for me, and I succumbed to darkness for a short period. In the summer of 2017 I rededicated my life to Christ because I was exhausted. There were specific people in my life, like disciplers, that made me aware of the path I was going down and the path of rest that Jesus offers.

I became best friends with my now husband towards the end of 2017. We had both agreed that nothing romantic would happen, but we understood each other and talked ALLLL the time. We were best friends for a couple of months and started dating September 15, 2017 (Clearly the pact not to catch feelings for each other did not work). Charles and I were committed to going to church, being mentored, and honoring the Lord in our relationship.

From 2017-2019 my music varied between Christian, rap, 60s, metal, and 90s. I was the literal definition of a music melting pot. In 2020, I went to college during COVID and it was so lonely on campus. Nothing was normal, and it was so frustrating to start so many new things in an abnormal world. Then, in 2021, my life was seriously changed. God altered my heart. I joined CRU and I re-thought my music. One of my disciplers in 2021 struggled with very similar things as me. She encouraged me with Christian music because she also enjoyed music very much. For two years straight I listened to literally the SAME Christian music and nothing else. If you think I am being dramatic I am a little lol, but I really did almost always listen to Christian music. My family and friends used to get SO annoyed because they would hear the exact same songs in my car when I drove them. They thought I was a little crazy, and still do because I listen to the same songs. I had finally understood the weight of music in my life. Satan was using something I loved (music) and something I hated about myself (my lack of joy), and attacked me with that. I had always been told, "what you put into your mind is what you start acting like", but never really understood that nor did I care.

Freshman year (left) and the mission trip and friends that changed my life (right)

I want to urge you all to examine your music and how it makes you feel. I used to constantly claim "oh, I am just jamming to this music, it is not doing anyone harm", but I have come to learn that I was feeding my beast of emotions with what it wanted...negativity. Now, this is not to say that all music that is not Christian is bad, BUT I do think music fuels our emotions, and we have to be careful of when and how we listen to secular music. There are SO many Bible verses that say that emotions are fleeting and that we cannot trust them. Here are my favorites

Ecclesiastes 11:10- "Banish emotional stress from your mind. and put away pain from your body; for youth and the prime of life are fleeting."

Jeremiah 17:9- “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?”

The heart and our emotions are deceitful and sick! What we feel and our desire to fuel our feelings are usually not healthy for us. It actually brings destruction. Satan knows this! He knows that feeling can fuel our deepest hurts and fears. He knows he can keep us in sin. He knows he can distract us with music. Having said that and shared my musical eras, I want to encourage you to fill your mind with good things! I know Christian music can sometimes all sound the same or be boring, but the lyrics are NEVER boring. They are about the very thing that gives you life, Jesus! And you do not have to always listen to Christian music, but when your feelings tell you to listen to whatever music makes you feel good, don't. Don't give in to your feelings, but turn on some Christian jams. Fill your head, soul, and heart with the good news of Jesus. And when you are not really feeling any type of way and simply just want to listen to something different, put on some throwbacks! Because even those throwback secular songs can remind you of the faithfulness and promises of Jesus. For me, when I listen to my old punk rock music, I am reminded of how good God is to shield my heart from feeling those negative emotions I used to associate with those songs. I have been set free of the hold Satan had on me, and I can appreciate all music from a different perspective. There are some songs that I have completely cut off because I do not think they speak life at all and cause me to mentally go back to difficult times, so I choose not to listen to those songs! Find the music that encourages you and the music that pours negativity into you. My favorite bands or artists right now are still Nickelback (LOVEEEEE), AJR, Mercy Hill Worship, and Passion.

Rock on and God bless ;)

Christa Lorraine Evans